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EPA to Allow Dumping Toxic Waste on Your Head, Pollution Standards Too High

4/2/2018

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The Trump administration announced on Monday that it will reverse Obama-era standards that banned dumping bright green toxic waste directly on your head.

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​Stormy Daniels Offers Joint Custody Of Hideous Lovechild

3/13/2018

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WASHINGTON - The attorney representing adult film star Stormy Daniels offered president Donald Trump a settlement which grants joint custody of the hideously grotesque creature spawn to president Trump. This settlement would be in exchange for releasing Ms. Daniels from the non-disclosure agreement she signed in October 2016 as well as child support.

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Judge Dredd Hired As High School Math Teacher

2/25/2018

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PictureJudge Dredd Hired As High School Math Teacher
MEGACITY-ONE - Judge Dredd, a legendary street judge armed the powers of judge, jury, and executioner, has taken a temporary position as a high school math teacher.

"It's judgement time," said Dredd as he dove into a pile of mid-term papers.
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AR-15 Appointed As Secretary of Health and Human Services

2/17/2018

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WASHINGTON - President Trump is shaking up his cabinet yet again with the appointment of AR-15 as the new Secretary of Health and Human Services. ​

​"
I aim to protect all remaining American lives by making it easier to buy guns," said AR-15.

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Trump Surprises Melania With A Romantic Dinner For One

2/14/2018

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WASHINGTON - President Trump decided to surprise the first lady by arranging a romantic solitary Valentine's day dinner just for her.  According to everyone around Melania, this is exactly what she was hoping for and was very pleased with the gesture.

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Trump Responds to Russia’s Doomsday Torpedo With Plans to Build “Death Star”

2/3/2018

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Trump Death Star
WASHINGTON - Mounting media attention for Russia’s Status-6 torpedo, a so called “doomsday weapon”, has prompted Trump to announce plans to build a “death star”. The move is seen by many in Washington as “stupid”.

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Trump Literally Takes Dump on Flag, White House Says Media is Overreacting

1/13/2018

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Dump Trump
WASHINGTON - President Donald Trump unceremoniously laid out national flags from various non-white countries on the floor of the oval office and proceeded to “take a dump” on each one.

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Federal Court Rules Police Can Shoot Goldfish If It Moves When Officer Enters Home

12/23/2017

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WASHINGTON - A police officer can now shoot a goldfish if it moves when the officer enters a home, under a new federal court ruling issued this month.

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Trump Gets into the Halloween Spirit

10/23/2017

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Trump Halloween Costume
WASHINGTON - President Donald Trump's Halloween costume is drawing criticism from the left. Trump Tweeted while at a klan rally, "I don't know what the big deal is. I wear this costume every year. Now liberals are waging a war on Halloween. Sad!"
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Florida Politician Says She Was Abducted by Ted Cruz

10/21/2017

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Ted Cruz is an alien
FLORIDA - Congressional candidate Bettina Rodriguez Aguilera drew ridicule this week when she said that she was taken aboard senator Ted Cruz’s spaceship when she was a child.

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