Hooba Canoes
  • Home
  • Services
  • Propaganda
  • Careers
  • Store

Politics

Florida Politician Says She Was Abducted by Ted Cruz

10/21/2017

Comments

 
Ted Cruz is an alien
FLORIDA - Congressional candidate Bettina Rodriguez Aguilera drew ridicule this week when she said that she was taken aboard senator Ted Cruz’s spaceship when she was a child.
While walking her dog, Bettina claimed to see a bright light in the night sky. She stopped to look closer but then her dog ran off. When she caught up to her dog, a bright beam of light enveloped them. There was a loud buzzing and she couldn’t move her body. The beam of light pulled them towards a spaceship.
​

“When we arrived on board, a disgusting creature emerged from the shadows. It crawled on all fours on the ceiling, made hissing sounds, and introduced itself as senator Ted Cruz. My dog ran up to it to protect me, but the creature opened its mouth and swallowed poor little fluffy whole. As I froze in fear, it explained why we need to slash corporate tax rates and repeal ObamaCare. It all began to make sense. The creature asked if it could count on my vote before it crawled away.”
"All these years later, the creature and I keep in touch telepathically. And when I’m in DC, we catch up over coffee."
Picture
Artist rendition
Comments
    If you like what you saw, consider following us. ​It gives our writer drones enough hope to keep them from slitting their wrists.

    Archives

    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017

    Categories

    All

    RSS Feed

We're social!

Company

About
​Mission Statement

Father
Corporate Office
Board of Directors

Careers

Services

Data Mining
Lines of Business
Education
Mass Surveillance
Research and Development

Support

Contact
Legal Team
Psychic Team
Disclaimer
Call Center (323) 577-3670

"Hablamos Español!"

Hooba Canoes Industries ©. All rides reserved. 
*By entering this website you have entered into a legally blinding contract and are now property of Hooba Canoes Industries.