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EPA to Allow Dumping Toxic Waste on Your Head, Pollution Standards Too High

4/2/2018

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The Trump administration announced on Monday that it will reverse Obama-era standards that banned dumping bright green toxic waste directly on your head.
​“The previous administration’s policy was wrong.” Scott Pruitt, Trump appointed administrator of the Environmental Protection Agency said, “Obama’s E.P.A., with policies banning toxic waste dumping, was politically motivated. Banning human toxic waste dumping only protects you, the person being dumped on. What about the rights of businesses to dump toxic waste on your head? We need the EPA to work on the side of business, not against it.”

Previously, toxic green sludge was only allowed to be dumped on other people’s heads. The EPA’s new rule will change that.

Pruitt, “The current standards are too high. It’s not realistic to expect business not to dump toxic waste directly on your head. It’s really the cheapest place to dump. Specifically, on your head. You. Yes, you.”

The EPA says it will also work with the fossil fuel industry on other policies such as removing all fuel economy standards, completely unrestricting offshore oil drilling, and developing tar sands oil pipeline theme parks. “Offline pipelines can double as fun slides for the kids.”
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