Hooba Canoes is a leader, master above all other masters, captain of the sports team, winner of the Noble Prize, author of such literary works, lover, father of many children, scholar in many subjects, theorist, lawmaker, entrepreneur, icon, hero, visionary, and single.
Board of Directors
Ernie Laidoff Chief Financial Officer Ernie Laidoff is most famous for stabilizing the economy of the United Companies of America following the financial meltdown of 2008. Currently, Ernie is vacationing in an oceanfront federal correction complex. |
Payne LaDerriere Chief Safety Officer Payne LaDerriere is both former and current chairman of the National Recycle Association, which is committed to accepting money in exchange for publicly vomiting and eating vomit over and over again. |
Ronald Frumps Secretary of Housing Ronald Frumps had the mumps and then he lost his hair. Ronald Frumps took a dumps and then he made a dare. In this dare, of money and flair, he said he'd build a tower. And in this tower, with bugs and flour, his skin turned orange and sour. |
Bear in a tree Secretary of Defense Bear in a tree promises to remain alert all season long. In addition to keeping a watchful eye, he is also urging congress to build a US/Mexico salmon river, implementing "stop and play dead", and preventing forrest fires. |
Farah Praline Secretary of Labor As an avid mother, Farah is responsible for increasing the population of Alaska and holds the record for longest pregnancy. She enjoys catching salmon, feeding bears, and collecting dust. |
Kimbo Jong Slice Secretary of Agriculture Kimbo is big boy who not afraid of dark and never brush teeth. Favorite food is chocolate. Favorite cartoon is Bratman. |
Dr. Phil J. Mengele Minister of Science Dr. Phil is a leading expert in the field of human experimentation. In his free time he enjoys evading authorities, detaching and reattaching limbs, and smooth talking the ladies. |
Boot Greengrich Minister of Propaganda According to Boot, he is the mastermind behind voter suppression, author of "The Bible", and winner of the Person In Glory award. He's also really fat. |
Al Capone Marketing Director Mr. Capone has provided marketing consultation to some of the biggest names in the business including Ronald Frumps, Boot Greengrich, Rim Jobney, Farah Praline, Jon Boner, Hand Ball, and Christy Christie. Mr. Capone looks forward to applying his feared brand of “aggressive marketing” techniques which are renowned for persuading difficult clients. |
Penny McFarty Surgeon general A self-described "health nut" who oversees lunches in the cafeteria, dedicates her free time to resurrecting polio, and loves to run. |
Vermin Rain VP of Sexual Harassment Vermin enjoys boobies and drinking while under the influence. He is a world class Pokemon champion and practitioner of magic the gathering. He once admitted to being involved in a hit and run accident, but when pressed for details, claimed he never said that. |
Socialbot H-1000 Social Media director Engages in humanoid communications, monitors actions of others, kills John Connor's, writes blogs. |