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​Stormy Daniels Offers Joint Custody Of Hideous Lovechild

3/13/2018

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WASHINGTON - The attorney representing adult film star Stormy Daniels offered president Donald Trump a settlement which grants joint custody of the hideously grotesque creature spawn to president Trump. This settlement would be in exchange for releasing Ms. Daniels from the non-disclosure agreement she signed in October 2016 as well as child support.
Trump continues to deny that he is the father, but refuses to take a paternity test.

The repulsive orange-haired creature, which bears an obvious resemblance to the president, has never met it's father. It has grown quickly and is now too large and destructive to live at Ms. Daniels home. It is currently residing in sewers of New York City surviving on a diet primarily consisting of large rodents, crocodiles, and city maintenance workers.

"He wants to meet his father and even howls out at night for him," said Ms. Daniels.

Ms.Daniels does not have the resources to care for the creature all by herself. "I want it to live the life it deserves, free from the threats of secret government agencies that wish to capture it and perform scientific experiments on it."

Trump, who has the resources and authority to protect his spawn, maintains that the creature must be destroyed. Some in the public believe Trump organized the secret government task force that was formed for the sole purpose of capturing the deadly creature.

The attorney for Ms. Daniels says, "Trump needs to step up as a father and be present in the creatures life. The least he could do is pay for the creature's veterinary bills."
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