NEW YORK, NY - The notorious gang giant MS-13 experienced its worst stock drop in nearly 2 years. Experts speculate that investors are selling shares in the gang due the latest jobs report as well as recent rhetoric from Donald Trump's state of the union speech.
"Listen foo. I ain’t gonna lie. These numbers are no joke," said one weary investor hanging outside the New York Stock Exchange parking lot in a freshly waxed 1970s Chevy Impala with chrome rims and over-sized dice dangling from the rear view mirror. “I’m gonna wait it out, homie. You gotta think about the long terms returns, vato,” the investor said as he crammed a rolled up wad of 100 dollar bills somewhere under his knee socks. “I call this ‘socks and bonds”.
An MS-13 gang spokesperson who identified himself only as “Sleepy” said, “We understand that some investors might be concerned about volatility, but we’ve posted strong gains over the last several decades. We’re extremely optimistic about the next quarter. MS-13 doesn’t fuck around.”
RSS Feed