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World Horrified as 2017 Starts All Over Again

1/1/2018

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The world collectively woke up to a horrifying reality as they quickly discovered that 2017 started all over again.
The time warp means Barack Obama is still U.S. president and president-elect Donald Trump has yet to take office. Despite having to relive a year of divisive politics, violent protests, devastating hurricanes and wildfires, the U.S. reaction is currently aimed at smaller matters.

“I’m fucking fat again! All that weight I’d lost is back! What’s the point?!” replied George Curry, a local newscaster, as he began to pig out at a local diner.

“I can’t believe I’m going to watch the same movies and the same boring natural disasters again.” said Los Angeles Times Film Critic, Cheri Cysceau.

Muckie Grendle woke up again to a 2017 calendar, still eating food off the floor, and wearing the same cheeto-stained shirt. “I’m going to take advantage of this second chance” he said before diving into a dumpster.

“At least grandpa is still alive. Sucks I’m going to have to kill him again.” said one man who preferred to remain anonymous.

This living nightmare is all the fault of one small boy who made a wish on New Years Eve.
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