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Dolphin deaths linked to BP oil spill, says Sinaloa Drug Cartel.

5/22/2015

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In 2010, BP's (British Petroleum) oil rig exploded and spilled untold amounts of oil into our oceans. Years later, the devastation on marine life continues. The watchdog group the Sinaloa Drug Cartel is blowing the whistle.

"I like to draw dolphins", says feared gang leader "El Flipper" on trial for raping, torturing, and decapitating a boat full of tourists. He's also accused of massacring thousands of people and dumping them into the Gulf of Mexico.

The cartel says BP has gone too far.
"The ocean is my barrio."
Mr. Flipper's lawyer released a statement earlier today:

"My Client has been deeply hurt and disturbed by the irresponsible actions of BP and the damage the spill has caused to the environment. The stress inflicted by BP's actions caused my client to brutally murder the man who was sleeping with his wife ."

When asked by the judge how he'd like to plead, Mr. Flipper proceeded to communicate with a series of clicks and high pitched squeals.

When asking BP for comment, they fully admitted wrongdoing, saying that "We're sorry for the massive disruption the oil spill has caused the citizens of the affected areas, but this has nothing do with the crimes committed by Mr. Flipper. Thank you."

When asked for a rebuttal, Mr. Flipper replied: 

"The ocean is my barrio."

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