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Report: Area Man Really Pouring On The Ranch

4/12/2018

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 SCOTTSDALE, AZ – Area man Larry Grendle really loves pouring on the ranch. Grendle, an HR consultant for an insurance agency, regularly sits alone at his desk eating iceberg lettuce salad drenched in a breathtaking amount of Hidden Valley Ranch dressing.
“I always keep a Costco-sized bottle of ranch in the breakroom fridge. I put it on everything,” said Grendle before dunking a reheated bacon double-cheeseburger three quarters deep into a full bowl of ranch.

Some co-workers are not pleased. “I see him drinking that stuff like it’s water. It’s disgusting. I swear, if I see him eating a soupy looking salad one more time I’m gonna lose it.”

Grendle, aware that his ranch habit makes some people uncomfortable countered, “Some people eat food just to eat it, but I actually enjoy the taste food. Everything tastes better with ranch. If I’m not hungry, I’ll just pull out a bottle of ranch and that gets me going again.”

Some co-workers have grown used to Grendle’s habit of pouring vast quantities of ranch dressing all over his meals. “That’s just Larry being Larry,” said one co-workers who has worked with Grendle for the past 12 years. “He just really likes ranch. Is that so bad?”
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Update: Grendle suffered a massive heart attack due to a blockage in his arteries. He is currently recovering in the hospital after undergoing a quadruple bi-pass surgery.
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