"Thanks to Hooba Canoes Industries, now I'm a momma!"
Love is hard to find...
So don't bother. You're wasting your time.
Instead, pay us to assign you a suitable mate for in vitro fertilization. It doesn't even matter what sex you are. We'll put a baby in you guaranteed or your body back!
Other dating services rely on "proven methods of compatibility" to find your "soul mate". What does that even mean?!
We rely only on the coldest, hardest science. We'll match you based on 24,000 human genes. For a few more hoo-bucks, we'll even throw in some gorilla genes just to spice thing up. These are very popular!
"It wasn't exactly love at first sight!"
-Cathy O. in Temecula
"I never knew love could be so affordable!"
-Bridget D. in Rancho Cucamonga
"I will take what is mine with fire and blood."
-Daenerys T. in Meereen
Saint Helena, Ascension and Tristan da Cunha